By the end of last summer, I still didn’t know whether I’d be taking online classes or a leave of absence. But (to no one’s surprise, really), I ended up taking classes.

So…quick summary of life updates? Things are really looking up: I’m in 20 units this quarter (Presidents and Foreign Policy, History of the International System, History of Modern China, Myths and Realities of U.S.-China Relations, and Second-Year Bilingual Chinese), all of which I love. I’ve started a new job with CISAC (the Center for International Security and Cooperation), which puts me in close contact with some of the leading experts in international relations and crisis stability. I finished the eighth draft of my novel a couple of weeks back, and I’m considering re-entering the world of writing competitions—this time with a much healthier mindset and a completely new set of poems. I’m hitting my stride as a vice-president for FACES (Forum for American-Chinese Exchanges at Stanford). I’ve begun dancing a lot more, and I’m having so much fun as a social coordinator for CBC. It’s Real is looking pretty good—I finally learned how to delegate tasks this year, which makes things so much better. And I promise/think I’ll start updating Punderings more regularly.

Why did I take classes? Part of the reason was that I was pretty sick of my non-structured summer schedule: instead of setting my own deadlines, I wanted another system to hold me accountable. I also needed a break from writing and managing It’s Real; as much as I love both, there’s only so much time I can spend on either. At the end of the day, my relationship to my writing is still a relationship, and I’m responsible for keeping it healthy and taking some time away.

Also, I’ve committed in everything but name to majoring in International Relations. I’ll be declaring as soon as I find an advisor, which should happen in winter. And I think IR is the right choice for me. English feels too abstract and removed (creative writing feels too angsty), while East Asian Studies doesn’t offer the big department rush that I lowkey crave. I’ll be minoring in both creative writing and East Asian Studies, though! I just need to figure out how to declare them on Axess.

Yep. This blog post isn’t that deep. I’m happy, I feel like I’m doing meaningful work, and I’m really lucky to be where I am. If you want something deep, uh…my companion post to this one might be of more interest ?

But in all seriousness, a big part of my fear last year was that I’d settle down too soon, or that I’d already settled into a career. I didn’t trust myself enough—or the freshman-year version of myself—to continue my commitment to anything. So, ultimately, this year has been one long process of learning to trust myself. It’s also been a process of realizing how much time I have to change my mind, and a summer spent reading literally everything I could get my hands on has helped with that.

And it’s crazy to consider everything else that has changed since freshman year. This time last year, I recognized about 20 Chinese characters. Now, I’m casually reading essays in (simplified) Mandarin and writing my own responses. I’m actually learning to love academia after years of BS’ing my work. Things did get better: gradually, but considerably. I’ll write a few more posts on dealing with FOMO and online school (eyestrainnnnn) later, but I think that’s all for today. :)

Thanks for reading!

Things Falling into Place? Week 5 Reflections + LiFe UpDaTeS